Growling 20s

Life is a prism, you know? 

I think the words 'living in a different perspective of life' were mentioned more than ten times now as I am a completely different person than the last time i checked i was. 

2020 was a roller coaster. It somehow balanced the joy and sorrow evenly that now i couldnt decide if it was the best or the worst year ever. Everything went pretty normal until April came in dark, and then the days were all between pitch black to gloomy back and forth but i promise you it's a bit brighter now. How foolish i was crying over a person who is not worth a glimpse of future, and how releiving it felt when i decided to let go, knowing no other songs nor situations will remind me of them anymore.

How stressful life has been as i couldnt see myself the same way again whenever my reflections pass by.
Brighter days don't promise you a stable mind, i guess.

Engaging on too many social platforms drains me a lot more than i expected. Having conversations with people online require more energy than it usually does when we talked by physical presence. People oftentimes misunderstood these pieces of life struggles as no one literally experience the same thing, only similar. Everything feels not right, now. But it cant be considered as wrong, either.

I learn a lot now that we really cant please people. No matter how much you want to explain yourself, they are still going to see you the way they already made up in their mind. They want you to be 'this', put a huge believe in it, and expect you to be so, but little did they know that you are actually a lot better at being 'that'.

I am still trying to find my old self again, the one who believes in no one more than herself. The one who knows her aim, her worth and give none of her shit towards others condescending her. I regret not praising her enough that right now she is very hard to reach when i need her the most. 

But i promise to update it here when i am at much a better state than i am now. I have been clinging onto this site since 2010 and how much it knew my life has been ever since, proud to clarify this blog as my everlast hocrux because my written journals could never (read: the inconsistency) and i could have died if someone out there found this and expose it.